Ok. Not really.
I love the lights and the music and the food and the cheer and spending time with my crazy family. But I hate the corporate guilt trip I’m expected to go on every holiday season. The expectation to virtually bankrupt myself for the sake of spoiling my family, who by the way is already fairly spoilt, drives me batty. Thankfully the holiday season has lots of booze!
In the last couple of years I have become particularly sensitive to the social climate of both my immediate surroundings and those on the global scale.
I’ve never been good at money or math and I have alot of debt to prove it, But I know that with how many billionaires there are in the world with our supposed human compassion there really isn’t any reason for hunger or famine or poverty or homelessness. It sickens me that someone with so much could care so little about fellow humans. That people actually think that a person living in deplorable conditions…deserves that fate.
I am lucky. I was born in a rich country to educated people. I may have debt but compared to many I have a very good and enviable life. Much of the things I complain about in my life came from my own bad decisions.
So when Christmas rolls around and I look at my bank account and can’t decide if I should spend that last 20 bux on one 1$ gift for each of my family members or two 10$ gifts…. you see where this is going. I hate those kind so decisions to begin with but having to feel like I am somehow failing my family by not participating in the gift giving only makes it worse.
It is of course exacerbated by the fact that the numbers get thrown off when we go around the room exchanging gifts and no one is getting anything from me. I know it’s not supposed to be about that but the implications are fairly clear. So I spend that last 20 bucks on myself and save myself the the hassle of making the decision right? No I probably just use it to pay a bill that’s over due or get some extra fancy groceries.
It doesn’t help that Christmas comes a few days usually after the new moon, the worst time of the month for me. Christmas day is usually ruined by me getting yelled at for either not opening a present fast enough or not smiling properly for a picture. Either way I don’t look forward to it the way I used to.
So what’s the alternative? Well since I am a maker of things…I make things…and give them to people with far less security than me. On Christmas eve this year in would really like to lay a handmade quilt on the sleeping form of someone living on the streets in the cold. Or give it to someone who is trying to make a fresh start for themselves. I cannot bare even a little bit of excess in my life without sharing it with others. And since my family has received so much from me already I give it to those who owe me nothing. They are so much less likely to spurn or misunderstand my attempts to improve their lives. That is my hope anyway.