Time and money and love and loneliness and getting everything you want…

Time is money right?

Ever think about how if you obsess about time…you waste it worrying about things that aren’t happening right then when you could be enjoying an otherwise peaceful walk. If you’re running late every moment passes like eons and you’re sure you’re going to be late and the worry makes every moment painful and take even longer eons. But in reality you always get there when you get there. You can choose to panic and obsess about the passage of time or you can quietly enjoy it passing otherwise unobstructed by pressures or concerns and just enjoy the few minutes to yourself/your own thoughts and generally a great pportunity to accept that life is actually pretty good. Instead of enjoying that moment you make it painful by drawing time slower and slower. Your goal further and further away.

You ever notice that the more you obsess about money…the more you need? The more complicated things get, but in the end…you always have enough for everything you really  need. Food, shelter, dignity…the more coins you want, the more oily and slippery they become. Gliding through your hands. It seems no matter what you can never get ahead? You pay off one bill something new comes up…especially happens when you spend a lot of time stressing about whether or not it will happen. By doing so…ensuring that you have that extra bill or sudden expense. But if you just chill out and relax about money and know that no matter what you’re going to make ends meet because you always do.

 When I first stopped stressing about time, I enjoyed much more of it. Moments of bliss stretching on forever. Knowing the eternal truth that I am going towards where I’m supposed to be going, that I’m on the right path, that all the things in my life will happen exactly when they’re supposed to happen and good things always happen. More good things seemed to happen… when I expected them to. When I dismissed a thing that I could take as a negative as silly little blips on an other wise clear and perfectly calm projection, only good things really do happen.  Soon after making this shift in my attitude, I was making better choices, more and more often. Soon I was sleeping better, feeling more rested and wanting to do more of the things I know I enjoy but when I was too stressed I just couldn’t get the time for. When really I just needed to make the time?

  When I made these realizations so many wonderful changes happened. But, there was still the matter of money. I still found myself day dreaming about…what if I was a millionaire. Crossing the line between fantasy and obsession. Fantasy about living in a highrise with an amazing skyline view and attempting to will the money required to obtain that goal into my life; how much money, when should you have it by, how can I get someone to just give it to me, what if I won the lottery or someone died and I got a big inheritance. Those kinds of thoughts. Money money money by any means is a death trap you’re digging your way to all kinds of negative black holes. Like with time, you obsess about it with selfish malicious intent… bad things happen. Chill out about it…good things happen.

 So why was I so unable to let go of the idea of wealth? Monetary wealth?

I remembered the saying, time is money. And thought about it. Why am I so not obsessed with time any more but still with money? When I think about things now they’re great. And if I died tomorrow it’d be OK. No regrets. But when I think about growing old and possibly not having enough wealth…I get scared. I see how elders are treated here and now. What if when I make it to that age…there is no one there to take care of me? If I don’t have money, I cant even pay someone to take care of me.

 The truth is, I always assumed that things would get better in the future. When I have more money. So I can handle right now, even though I’m alone (unmarried and childless the only two things missing in my life) being alone now is fine. There is plenty of time for those things. And even if I don’t get to have those experiences I’ll still have been open for it and had an otherwise good life.  But the truth is, that beneath all that, I really and truly am terrified of ending up alone. I have not yet accepted it as a possible out come I can live with. Being able to unlock myself in order to see that wall. Had I not seen it I would have just stalled at it instead of willing it out of my way. I am that powerful. I can move on. So close to the obstacle it makes it difficult to under stand the true nature of it. Things go out of focus too close to your view.  Now that I can see how time was simply hiding in money… I can flush that demon out. I can walk right thru that wall. Leave it behind me and continue on my path. I do always get what I want ( I didn’t used to, but I’m changing that now) so that means that I will most certainly connect with my soul mate, the man I’m meant to procreate with. I will have the children I know are waiting on the other side for me to be ready. I will grow old with my partner in life and we will be happy together ( I’m working on changing my attitude about that because of the whole ‘I’ll always be alone’ belief)  when you realize that some of the deep truths that you believe are holding you back and realize you can remove them, you are guaranteed to get everything you want. The deeper I look into myself, the more bad energy I can release. The more truths I can discover the fewer obstacles I can have.

 I can only work on so many things at a time. As I can only take one step at a time. But now I have the tools to do them all. If not the arms. As I unlock my deeper selves. More of my arms become free, unshackled. With each new pair of arms, the more powerful I become. Nothing can remain in my way. When all of my deeper selves are balanced and free and able to mingle with my more superficial selves and I am a whole and healthy person. This Is the ultimate goal. But I’m making leaps and bounds in advancements and I’m not worried about how long it takes because I know it will happen exactly when it needs to and all the things in my life will happen exactly when they’re supposed to. All in good time.

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About Epic Wynn

Artist, Massage Therapist, Fledgling Blogger
This entry was posted in culture, meditation, mental health, relationships, spirit and prayer, womens issues and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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